Rants and Raves | MY PLACE - POETRY , AFFIRMATIONS & MORE

Scent Sensitive- Are you scent sensible?

29 Jul 2013 7 Comments

by Katz in Rants and Raves Tags: allergies, candles, perfumes, scent free, scents, sentivities

I remember once when I was young, late teens, a cousin of mine made a comment about how she just became allergic to perfume. I wondered how that was possible that people “just happened to become allergic”, it seemed so out of the blue to me and I wondered what validity this really had. Attention seeking was my first emotional response, however I was young and knew very little about scent sensitivities, or allergies in general , as I had none.

I really didn’t give it much more thought at that time. I do remember thinking about what a shame it was that the daughter of our local “Avon lady” (my aunt) had “suddenly” become allergic to something that was so accessible in her home.

Now I’m no longer looking through rose colored glasses, rose-colored-glasses things have taken a new view and have become much clearer to me. The thought of my cousin just becoming allergic seemed all that more plausible now as she was the daughter of an Avon lady, and not vice versa.
In the past year or so, I too have fell victim of scent sensitivities. I now cough, sneeze and run like my hair is on fire with the mere sniff of certain scents, seriously! Even worse I develop immediate migraines that feel like my head will implode if I don’t get fresh air immediately, my brain sometimes screams POISION, as that is exactly how I feel, poisoned.

The questions again began to pick at my brain; what’s happening? How do these sudden allergies just occur, or do they? I now realize the reality is that allergens can just happen. Then again if they are not just happening perhaps they silently build in your system going unnoticed until your brain finally screams ENOUGH! I now see how “not new” this is to our society, opposed to what I had believed prior. Like most people, unless it really affects me (you), we tend to not notice so much.

I believe a new sense about scents has been a long time coming.

Going back to being a young adult, I could not imagine a life without my favorite scented spray or perfume, nor would I ever allow the sad imagery linger in my mind if I were to imagine my life without scented candles which I loved.

Things have changed in this world around us; and certainly in my world as I began suffer the physical attacks I manage when certain scents blow my way. Sad thing is I never know what my attacker will smell like, each day it seems like a new scent challenges my sensibilities, what’s a girl to do?

Having attended an event recently that had candlelight, it was quickly brought to my attention by someone at my table that the candle on the table must go as they were allergic. I was then educated about the paraffin ingredients in the candles and how they create toxins that make many people sick, even if the candles are not scented!

Wow was my response; I had not known this factoid. Apparently candles that are not natural (like that of a beeswax candle), can actually release carcinogenic chemicals when you light and burn them, yikes!

Not to mention that certain wicks have lead in them (didn’t they ban lead in paint and so much more?) This can’t be good! You know you have seen it, that black smoke as you snuff out a candle.

Okay so gone are my dreams of inexpensive candles as I happily wave bye-bye to dollar store candles, my health is worth more than a buck or two. The gentleman that forwarded this information happens to work at the University of Toronto; he is integral in a movement to make the U of T scent free, sounds like we should all be doing this, please oh please.
I know it’s a hard one to swallow (or should I say sniff), that a scent free world would actually be a safer place, but it’s true and the facts are backing it up. I know, as with all things, one person at a time can make a difference. I am now on this boat of understanding, hop on!
Even if I have to consider the possible downside, body odor of others increasing as scents decrease, luckily I don’t think there is a known allergen to another person’s body odor at this time. Either way , not to worry, there are many natural products and scent free items that can assist in hygiene, your sniffers will be so much safer without those scented products, in many ways.
I know the massive influx of scents such as colognes, cleaning products, emissions gasses to name a few, are all contributing to this not so sudden Influx of allergies and scent sensitivities. All I ask is, let’s all be a little more sensible about the scents we add to our skins, the air around us and especially in our homes. Recognize a scent free society will one day be the norm, it has to be. scents_circle_xsm

Once there was Love ! Parental Alienation !

16 Jul 2013 2 Comments

by Katz in Rants and Raves

How can it be that years later, the hatred, the jealously and the spite of an ex partner remains so overwhelmingly present that the only weapon left to destroy their ex partner with is the children they had together!

Many call these actions and resulting abuse …. Parental Alienation.

Articles red flagging this very abuse as “one of the worst forms of emotional, mental abuse used”, can easily be identified with the growing numbers of articles readily available in as many forms of media as possible. People are outraged at this form of abuse! Desperate parents do their very best to bring awareness to this issue, and so they should!

The emotional damage inflicted upon a child often results in potential life long damage, often causing irreversible mental health issues. This is due to the alienating parents actions of challenging the feelings the child has for the other parent by twisting truths, creating exaggerations about every day circumstances, and inflicting guilt on that child should they have a great visit with the other parent. This is all done with aim to create drama (brainwashing I call it) and even worse, to create an alternate reality that is not even the child’s, this is where the mental heath issues occur.

This drama is created to ensure the child reflects a truth that only the alienating parent determines the truth to be, and not really what has happened. Eventually this child’s reality no longer reflects their own reality(such as the love they thought they felt for the alienated parent). Instead what was real to them is no longer real, what is their truth is now wiped away and replaced with the other parents perspective of the truth, as the alienating parent sees it.

Despite an uprising by children protection advocates demanding new standards of care be made to stop or intervene on this abuse, the fact is much will have to be changed before this ripple effect stops damaging children. What is happening now is a whole lot of nothing, despite the awareness and the proof offered by those experiencing this very issue.

Parental alienation a fact ! In spite of all the awareness about this issue, pleas for help are falling on silent , deaf ears. Many people simply choosing to turn their heads, choosing to just “not get involved”.

My question is how do we stop it…how?

Truth is no one knows, even though the internet has been set ablaze with parental alienation issues pretty much setting the internet on fire. What we see instead is case after case of this “newest” form of abuse found in the writings of many alienated parents and supporters screaming for justice , even though it appears no one is really listening.

Its a well know fact that this form of abuse satisfies only the alienating parent, with the children being USED as an “ultimate weapon” of payback meant to punish their ex partner. The payback is practiced till perfection hits… they wait for it, that statement of victory “I hate my…”, or ” I never want to see my … again”. I can imagine the smirk of satisfaction they have knowing their job has been done!

The signs and steps to full alienation are accurately described step by step on many sites, sadly not only helping those alienated to see whats happening, but also providing a “how to do ” checklist to ensure parental alienation can be maximized by an alienating ruthless ex partner.

The end result is broken relationships between children and parents, forged from lies and exaggerations of truths; doing nothing more than taking away that extra unconditional love that only another parent can provide, not to mention the loss of that parents extended family.

How selfish this is?

The final stage is easy to see, a child begins to hate that parent they loved, often due to the inflated lies, false accusations and torment they suffer for ever trying to love their other parent, they are hurt, frustrated as they repeat those “brainwashed ” phrases in their heads not realizing those thoughts and words are not even their own.

The child believes what he hears in his head, and why not, someone that “loves” them worked very hard to place it there. The child makes every reason and excuse for why the alienated parent abandoned them and how that parent is responsible and not deserving of their love, as though this will explain it all and somehow make it all better.

No it doesn’t explain it , does it?

In my opinion, this should be a crime punishable by law!

The victims are the innocents. They are left faced to suffer(often in silence) the rest of their lives due to the false realities created by a parent that in the end can only say “Yay I won “!

Fact is , we all know who loses, and its not just the other parent…its the child!!

Have you had a dash of Emotional Intelligence today ?

27 Jun 2013 2 Comments

by Katz in Rants and Raves Tags: emotional intelligence, emotions, EQ, validate, validation

When I hear someone say to another person “hey that’s silly or you shouldn’t feel that way”, I immediately realize those people may be lacking in a specific type of knowing; this knowing or knowledge is often referred to as emotional intellect, emotional IQ, or emotional quotient, just pick one definition they all mean the same. I myself did not even know what it this meant until just a few short years ago when I accidentally found an online course to improve emotional intelligence(EQ), so I went ahead and I took it. It has been my habit to self develop and absorb as much as this world can offer in terms of “free” learning. The course overwhelmingly changed how I responded to other’s as well as gave me new perspective on how I could respond more effectively to how others treated or responded to me as well , of course this doesn’t happen like Zap!
It will take some time as Rome was not built in a day, but practice makes perfect( I’m still working on this). 

Just like so many other traits, characteristics, personality types and or temperaments that a person may argue they are or are not born with or acquire; this “skill” is still debated as to how it evolved in humans and whether it’s one of those nature vs. nurture argument’s. One thing we all know for certain is, people are a product of their environments. If one’s environment is such that no emotional intelligence has evolved or been learned, chances are there is a great lack of validation for feelings and emotions towards others and a great misunderstanding as to why no one validates their feelings or emotion. Emotions and feelings ebb and flow like a rivers edge, often our emotions are triggered by a lifetime of circumstances and events that we often do not even know contributes to our own emotional response (this one often takes years of therapy to figure out)!

One thing is for sure, we have a zillion emotions each day and we are all managing this part of who we are on a minute to minute basis, so let’s try and understand how EQ can prevent development of emotional triggers in ourselves and our children by becoming more informed; maybe the children too will pass it on. A huge aspect of EQ is called “validation”, this can make or break a person emotionally. I am all too familiar with how this response helps as many of you will be as well.

Let’s look at how “validation“ might look in a loving home . First without EQ and then with the learned trait of EQ.

Child: “Mom I am stupid, I cannot do this work, I will fail and it’s all my fault because I’m just not as smart as the other kids!!”
Mom non- validation of feelings “Son , you just need to work harder, study harder, it’s not that hard you are fine , we both know you are just as smart as everyone else!”

In this case, the mom is not being abusive, one may even see this comment as being supportive and encouraging, however the one thing that is missing here is ….validation of feelings and emotions. When we are looking at another person’s reality (as we know we all have our own individual reality) we must first validate that reality and then add nurture and love. When this child is told “you are just as smart”, it will not make him feel better, it will just lead him to him not trusting how he truly feels about himself and that difference of opinion in how he feels and what someone tells he “should feel”, creates a gap in self judgment, some have even called it emotional abuse( I know, I know it’s a strong word). Let’s look at it another way , apply EQ.

It might look like this…

Mom with validation of feelings “Son, I can see how frustrated you feel with your homework, it’s tough isn’t it? How about we take a break and have a look at it again in a few minutes, I’ll help. Everyone learns differently and sometimes people learn slower in one subject but will learn faster in another, we are all different learners and that’s ok, I can see you feel frustrated that you may not feel that smart at this moment, it’s ok, we all feel that way at times.

The difference here is that the emotional support the child was screaming out for(silently) was provided and what more, his feelings were validated. It’s ok not to feel like the smartest kid in the class sometimes, it is only a feeling after all, the next time he gets a B or an A this feeling will change!

When we are validated, we no longer feel like our emotions have no meaning. Our emotions are real, our perspectives are real, and how we feel as an individual is real, no one has a right to say “don’t feel that way, or you are wrong to think/feel that way” , or one of my favorites “you are overreacting or twisting words”. People need to know their perspective’s and feelings are valid, even if no one agrees with it , a feeling or perspective is yours to own, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Often people just need a healthy dash of emotional intelligence as It really does assist in all relationships and can apply to everyone; children, friends, partners, teachers, your dog/cat. everyone!! Try it! You will see how that person’s response changes as soon as you validate them and give that emotional support we all need as emotional being’s (unless they are a sociopath, then don’t bother!). 

May I please serve you some pie?

23 Jun 2013 Leave a comment

by Katz in Rants and Raves Tags: character, humble, humility, Peel Aboriginal Network, positive thinking, role models

There have been many people flowing in and out of my life in the past few years. Some stayed and some I had to walk away from as the gaps in differences between us had grown too great; inevitably those friendships grew apart as most do.

What I have found about myself in the past couple years is that my values have changed with what I see as important in the people I keep close. I no longer focus on just the similarities or differences between us(although this has lead to some great friendships).

Now I sense and crave something much deeper from human nature: depth of character! Since I feel I have stumbled upon the most favorable quality and characteristic within human nature, I must spread the word: this gift I speak of is humility.

Much earlier on (as ashamed as I am to admit) I seen this gift as weakness; sad but true. The most humble persons I had met were introduced to me by the side of the road as they thanked me graciously after I offered a few coins to those hard on their luck (as some would say). I seen this gratitude offering and thankfulness as a desperate response to that gift of one more opportunity, one more evening, or one more hour of supporting a life with what-so-ever coping mechanisms that person needed to deal with; a life that was somehow less than mine( I know that’s ugly). All the while telling myself “who am I to judge”; I now realize I was doing just that, judging!

I have met teachers, clergy, health care professionals, parents, students, business leaders, white collar, blue collar; you name it, yet so very few have ever displayed this gift of humility, so I thought there is no way this can be good!

It wasn’t until a few months ago that I was fortunate enough to see and experience true humility among other people, and I’m not talking about those managing life on the street; keep in mind I also mentioned one or two other humble people I know that I assumed were just suffering from weakness of character.

When I witnessed this humble being, who I might add is educated and in a position of power, my world changed. I had never witnessed this before, wow! I was humbled and I soon realized that not only was this person truly humble, this person was also treating me as an equal. The sad truth is I had this happen so very rarely in my life that it was almost unrecognizable. Of course my gut reaction was to think that this was “fake”, a show, not real and just wait till their true colors come out…however the months went by and I soon realized this person was not fake, only true and real. I met a genuine humble person…someone who did not see themselves above me, served me and made me tea, cleaned toilets and washed dishes at the agency we worked, a true humble being! I knew this experience left me changed, I had been impacted forever (Thank you Joanne at Peel Aboriginal Network for this gift!) I only hope I could take this teaching and give others the hope that it is real, there are humble people!

The other humble person I was referring to earlier when referring to the person with weakness of character, was me. I have been told this “characteristic” of mine had many names: pushover, weak, doormat, sucker, softie, sensitive, loser ….to name but a few nasty ones, but now I know I can change the meaning of this trait for myself as I now can call it strength!

The weak person I had seen myself as began to evolve in my mind and heart .The weakness I had assumed was a character flaw now became a great strength of my character. I crave to know more, I crave to publicly emulate those who actually have true humility. Although this character within many people may be tucked away, I am not without hope. I have witnessed it now within others, as well as myself and my loving humble partner; who teaches me daily with his actions that I can always humble myself more. The messages of our generation have not been that of humility and giving; they are of power, wealth, shallow beauty, stuff, fame, and drugs etc, nothing that really should count.

I’m not saying we should always turn the other cheek; however I do feel we can inspire to bring this balance of character to our own lives, I will be forever trying to give to others the gift I received of some humble pie.

Just ask yourself ….who doesn’t really like pie?? Especially if it’s humble pie? Have a serving today!

Being positive or negative, its a choice!

14 Jun 2013 Leave a comment

Being positive or negative, its a choice!

Each day as the sun rises we are all challenged with finding the inspiration and motivation that may help us move through the day, with what-so-ever challenges that may lie before each of us.

We have two choices, we can do our best to remain positive, or we can allow ourselves to sink into those negative energies inside ourselves and/ or attach ourselves to negative energies of those around us that may not wake up so motivated each day.

One thing is true of this, like attracts like. If you have a low mood and find another person with a low mood, the vibration of your combined energies will inevitability increase the negative energy space around you, creating an even higher level of negativity in the space you share affecting everyone around you ; it is said even animals pick up on negative energies.

I’m certain you all may have all heard that saying “misery loves company!” This is so very true; however the opposite is also true. People with positive energy can also have the same affect on those around them when creating their own personal positive energy. It is as simple as finding that one happy thought in your mind and focusing on it (I have beautiful loving children, the sun makes me feel warm, I love the sound of rain, my cat/dog is the most loving creature I know, I am loved, I am happy, I am spiritual, I am kind to others..etc).

Being positive or negative is a decision you make and something only you are in control of! Make a better decision today, find a happy thought, create positive energy and share your positive energy space with others!

Please see attached reading called “The Crab Bucket Effect”, one of my favorites. See how this reading relates to situations you may have experienced. We can all learn something today, even from a crab.

The Crab Bucket effect!

If you put a crab into a crab bucket on its own, it’ll climb out. However if you put two crabs into a bucket they will both stay in the bucket. The reason for this is that as soon as one starts making its way out of the bucket the other will pull it back in. Funny how human behaviour, despite our superior complexities, is still basic as a crab not wanting the other crab to make it out of the bucket. For me and (I suspect) every other entrepreneur this is a dilemma that we all encounter at some stage.

Crab Bucket

Friends, family, teachers and even college professors, whether intentionally or not have a tendency to try to pull you back into the crab bucket. Social norms and established protocols dictate that there is one way to play the game of life. If you’re not playing their game in their reality then they get uncomfortable and will do almost anything to put you in your place according to the extinct rules the ingrained in school.

There is a massive discomfort when someone’s potential outgrows the norms surrounding them. In the same way that once the four minute mile was broken then many more followed, success breeds success – and to get there one must resist those that try to pull them down. All too often the weight of the people pulling you down is the only reason that would be entrepreneurs fail to jump the hurdle.

What if your success meant that you earned a multiple of what your friends or family members made – would you then be the outcast? If you earn the success would you be comfortable in deserving it?

In the same way that drug addicts associate other drug addicts and immature girls are attracted to immature boys, sometimes entrepreneurs and others aspiring success in their field must make some hard choices about those that consistently drain their enthusiasm and energy.

What it comes down to is boundaries

Tony Robbins once put me onto an inspiring concept that has stayed with me through the years. Within your circle of comfort is where the majority of people live their lives. However if you go outside your circle of comfort then an amazing thing happens. Not only does your level of comfort expand to achieving that task but your whole circle expands so now many unrelated things that once were considered outside your zone of comfort, in the area known more commonly as FEAR, become within your comfort zone.

Zone of Comfort

In the same way that skills learned being the captain of a rugby team might help you as a team manager in work years later or as a parent trying who needs to motivate their kids to do homework. Expanding your comfort zone has many potential and unforeseen benefits.

Once you have expanded your boundaries it is important to become very protective about who you let in and out. In the same way you wouldn’t encourage a known thief into your house you should consider your newly created expanded comfort zone – something worth protecting. Build windows to see out into the zone outside your zone for further growth and doors to allow people into your personal space but also to keep those out that are just going to steal that which is more precious than money or possessions – your enthusiasm and energy.

It’s interesting that when you do move your boundaries of what is and isn’t acceptable; real friends will adjust to accept you for what you are. It just takes a little time for you to make the transition out of the crab bucket and let them know you haven’t entirely left them behind.

Aside by Katz

Human Rights and Social Justice! Whose job it is anyway?

08 Jun 2013 1 Comment

by Katz in Rants and Raves Tags: advocacy, emotional abuse, Human Rights, parental alienation, social change, systemic issues

As a strong advocate for the underdog, it rips my soul to pieces when I see or hear of people who choose to put their own personal agenda ahead of what is a basic “Human right”.

As it’s almost impossible to prove intent, only those on the inside close enough to certain situations can really see the damage and misery that is truly inflicted on those innocents whose lives are damaged by the inflated reality of another person. Narcissism certainly comes to mind, plus a few other choice words that define the utter lack of empathy I have witnessed in my time.

I ache sometimes helplessly for those that have no voice; children who are used as pawns in legal battles against the other parent, abused people with no self-esteem who just cannot find the strength to speak up as their spirit is so far beaten down that they just do not have the strength to battle, those of us that manage mental illness, bouts of depression, anxiety and brain injuries, and those that are simply just differently-abled. Who has a voice for them?

Well the first thing I can tell you is that unless your pockets are weighed down or you have one foot in the poor house, there is almost no person, system , agency or resource in the legal system that will help you with your cause.

So I ask where does that leave the dad whose children are alienated against him who has no money for a lawyer? where does that leave the children who are fed mixed truths and lies from the custodial parent about the non custodial parent they love? Where does it leave that broken down soul who cannot fight one more second for what is right, we know wishes and money do not really grow on trees.

What we know is… those children will grow up with mental health issues as emotional damage is one of the hardest issues to manage and undo after the deed has been done, not to mention the disconnection from reality and possible loss of identity; that dad might give up one day his spirit defeated, and that poor soul who cannot fight the evil of injustice any longer might just find a hole to crawl in and accept nothing more can be done as in this game of life the real truth is, someone will win and someone will lose, it’s just the way the cookie crumbles.Where’s the social justice and human rights in that? No where is where! Change needs to happen, so whose job is it anyway!

Your behaviour defines you, not me!

06 Jun 2013 3 Comments

by Katz in Rants and Raves Tags: bullies, encouragement, self esteem

Last evening after leaving what was a very long day at my newish job, during a heavy duty 40 something year old massive hormonal surge, I was struck by the utter cruelty and rudeness of humanity once again. I will not go into too much detail, but lets just say it was due to a comment that was said at my expense resulting in the utter glee of two immature 20 something year old stand by’ers, clearly showing their boisterous pleasure , immediately doing that hand over mouth laughter as I walked by. Needless to say the incident left this girl(woman) feeling once again like that bullied 13year old girl from middle school. For some strange reason I heard an old quote from a 1970’s movie “Carrie”, screaming in my head “they’re laughing at meeeee”, perhaps that 13 year old in me is still a drama queen, how weird is that!

As my natural reactions have some time delay, much like my astrology sign the crab, the sting took about another five more minutes or so as my emotions then kicked into an even higher gear, if that is even possible. Realizing of course this was mere ego damage, my grown up self did indeed get over it, eventually.

The whole process took the better part of two hours. When I finally arrived home, received that much needed TLC and reassurance from my loving partner, inserted some positive self talk and affirmations, and one last thing , milk and cookies, I was on my way to getting past it.

So I wiped away my mascara stained cheeks, pulled up my big girl panties and fed myself those soothing words that heal all truth..its not me, its them. Also…am I not a grown up? What the frack is going on here! It seems no matter how old we grow, that little girl, that insecure teenager and that awkward young adult still live in our heart of hearts just waiting to get hurt all over again, at least until the grown up brain allows reality to sink in.

I survived and rebounded quickly this time, unlike the past when you would find me suffering a full week of self loathing and despair as I did at the young age of 13years. Happily my adult recovery was wrapped up and I was secure before bed, I slept like a baby. All we need to remember in life is, when someone treats you badly, its a reflection of them, not you! Also remember, keep some cookies close by (if you are not wheat intolerant) and of course some milk( unless you are lactose intolerant) and enjoy!

And then remember… this too will pass.

Still thinking……

26 Oct 2012 Leave a comment

by Katz in Rants and Raves

And so a blog was born!

Hello world

25 Oct 2012 Leave a comment

by Katz in Rants and Raves

Well I’ve been thinking about having my own blog for quite sometime now, not sure what I wish to see at this point or where I am going to go, but I would like to be able to be who I am , no holes barred..and see where we go from there. I like to write , I like to rhyme, and mostly I like to ramble, so lets give it a try and see where it goes..