Your behaviour defines you, not me!


bully_girls_high_res

 

Last evening after leaving what was  a very long day at my newish job, during a heavy duty 40 something year old massive hormonal surge, I was struck by the utter cruelty and rudeness of humanity once again. I will not go into too much detail, but lets just say it was due to a comment that was said at my expense resulting in the utter glee of two immature 20 something year old stand by’ers, clearly showing their boisterous pleasure , immediately doing that hand over mouth laughter as I walked by. Needless to say the incident left this girl(woman) feeling once again like that bullied 13year old girl from middle school. For some strange reason I heard an old quote from a 1970’s movie “Carrie”, screaming  in my head “they’re laughing at meeeee”, perhaps that 13 year old in me is still a drama queen, how weird is that!

As my natural reactions have some time delay, much like my astrology sign the crab, the sting took about another five more minutes or so as my emotions then kicked into an even higher gear, if that is even possible. Realizing of course this was mere ego damage, my grown up self did indeed get over it, eventually.

The whole process took the  better part of two hours. When I finally arrived home, received that much needed TLC and reassurance from my loving partner, inserted some positive self talk and affirmations, and one last thing , milk and cookies, I was on my way to getting past it.

So I wiped away my mascara stained cheeks, pulled up my big girl panties and fed myself those soothing words that heal all truth..its not me, its them.  Also…am I not a grown up? What the frack is going on here! It seems no matter how old we grow, that little girl, that insecure teenager and that awkward young adult still live in our heart of hearts just waiting to get hurt all over again, at least until the grown up brain allows reality to sink in.

I survived and rebounded quickly this time, unlike the past when you would find me suffering a full week of self loathing and despair as I did at the young age of 13years. Happily my adult recovery was wrapped up and I was secure before bed,  I slept like a baby. All we need to remember in life is, when someone treats you badly, its a reflection of them, not you! Also remember, keep some cookies close by (if you are not wheat intolerant) and of course some milk( unless you are lactose intolerant) and enjoy!

And then remember… this too will pass.

Dark Rain


dark rain pic

Lashing out at me in rage anger
Speaking ill of my name and my strife
Forgetting all good and the love I have offered
Your perception is yours, not truth of my life

Why such dark anger and aversion do you offer
Lurking round corners my soul tainted thrashed with this hate
Poisoning those who had not met me with your lies no regret
This reflection you cast in your dark rain is not my fate as you berate

Just leave me alone in your cowardly scorn
I’ll do my best to forgive this negatively you rain
Your words and your hatred just the inner sadness of your soul
Such sadness I see, this pain that you hold
Your reflection of you and nothing more than your pain
This is but you your dark rain , not me nor my name

This picture you’ve painted lines smeared you lash out
Never speaking to me these claims you cast out
such foul words that you’ve said
too much anger resentment built up in your head
Exploding the surroundings of those that dare enter your dark dread
So leave my name not on your lips
For I have a lot of good that you do not express
And this world that you live in, it’s only your world don’t you see?
Your anger is not mine to own it’s yours, so just let me be

Written by Corrina Leblond

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