MY PLACE – POETRY , AFFIRMATIONS & MORE

So today I bravely removed my cloak of shame and posted a picture of my pre-keto body on Facebook (and beyond) for all the world to see. 🙀

I’ve been struggling lately with trying to love myself, I mean truely really love myself. I know I have been terrible with the negative self-talk and I want to change that.  I know I consistantly fail at honouring my success and lifelong struggle with my body image and expressing gratitude to myself for my achievements.

I am willing to change that; to be vulnerable enough to let other people see the me as I was four years ago, a morbidly obese person stuck in a fat suit that I could not unzip for 10 years. (My apologies for the harsh words self).

I have been very successful in my weight loss, having started from a morbidly obese person, to now being a person that is less than 20lbs away from being in a normal BMI.

Damn time to celebrate I’d say!

Starting four years ago..with a total lifestyle change in my eating habits…I have lost to date 164.2 lbs.

I should be damn proud!! But instead I hide those horrible pictures as I never felt like it was not me anyway ..not the me I knew or the me I wanted others to see.

You know it was only recently again that somebody pointed out to me the negative talk that I had been rolling out about my body. And of course I know that I do this all the time, in reflection, but I can’t seem to stop myself.

This person  pointed me to a beautiful womans Instagram account for motivation. So upon inspecting this account, the first images I saw were of this flawless beauty , for all intents and purposes what I would tend to be everyone’s dream girl.

Just strikingly beautiful!

However upon further inspection of her account I was shocked and flabbergasted. As what you see on her page upon further inspection,  what layed beneath the beauty was there for all the world to get ready for this!!

Imperfections, stretch marks, cellulite..oh my!!😯

Just terrible, terrible angles showing all of her bits and wobblies exposed for all to see… and done in such a way that they could only be purposely unflatterin..certainly the selfies and pictures that I would delete immediately and never look at again..

Yet I was in awe.🙏

Certainly still beautiful , still amazing sexy… yet so normal however also not the norm!

Not what I have been groomed to believe a beautiful body should look like…and certainly not the body that we would ever Post online or allow anyone else to see outside the privacy of our bedroom or bathroom or drinking party.

Instead a real life person with a flawed body, both beautiful and real.

Just this one person’s account has helped me so much in the last couple of weeks with realizing that no matter how perfect we can look on the outside or with our clothes on..nobody is really going to know what our body looks like and every single angle and every single second of the day.. The Good The bad and The ugly..yet we judge ourselves by those angles that we see and furthermore what society tells us beauty is.

I may never be a pin-up cover model, and I may never be the ideal vision of beauty or perfection but I’m willing to be kinder to myself. I am willing to understand that what I say to myself is more important then the images society measures my body against, so much so that I decided to post a picture of me at my heaviest weight perhaps not even my heaviest, but close to my heaviest.. for all the world to see,  where I came from to where I am.

And no not just a the recent pic of my recent 64.2lbs lost in the last year,  but of the entire 164.2kbs I’ve lost in the last four years.

I still feel that pain of my shamed self screaming loudly…nooooooo!!! As I know somehow it was musta been my own fault that I became that heavy ..but no it wasn’t..my body just happens to metaboliz food differently and the doctors of today are just so brainwashed with the standard diet that there was no room to believe that there are other ways to eat until recently.

So going forward I’m going to instead just accept my wobbly bits, my stretch marks, my cellulite and wrinkles that have come from this weight loss because realistically this is just a road map of my journey with this body in this human form and really it’s nothing more than that.

My human experience and a body that consistently has been met with trauma confusion and despair …has been through a lot.

I am a woman and I want to accept myself as a woman who has accomplished a great deal towards achieving an improvement in health and wellness so that I can continue this journey in life and hopefully inspire and motivate others to do the same.

I love myself I love myself I love myself.. fake it till you make it baby❤️

Written by Corrina Leblond

Aug 09/2020

Images from Google.