#writingyourselfaloveletter | MY PLACE - POETRY , AFFIRMATIONS & MORE

A few months ago I was intrigued by an article that was titled “Write yourself a Love letter”. Certainly you might imagine my first thoughts of this article as positive, well they were not. What I found instead was that my brain muttered out two simple words … say what! Along with these simple words, I could also sense a shadow of negativity within me.

Looking back now I may have even been a little judgemental as I thought to myself that this idea sounds like nothing more than an article written to amuse those who may already have a an over inflated ego; creating a tool to further enhance additional self serving testimonials of lies and gibberish attached to meaningless self worth!

Okay I know , maybe I’m a bit too harsh hun? Upon reflection I seem to have channelled a bias that most definitely needs some work.

I guess we all know a narcissist or two, maybe lll leave that rant for another article.

Back to the love letter….I challenged my assumption by deciding to judge the article in its entirety, I read on.

A few more short sentences into the article something new began to happen, I began to feel the size of my biased judgemental heart growing, tingling and growing some more . I even began to imagine that my heart grew three times its normal size!!

. ( wink wink……remind you of anyone?)

As I hungrily devoured word after word of each personal love story in the article, I knew that not only do I deserve to know this information I too deserved to write myself a love letter. I even secretly hoped that when I eventually did find the courage to write my own letter, that somehow just doing so might change my life in some subtle way.

I’m guessing we all can have those nagging negative messages that we unknowingly stowed over the years just so we can pop those suckers out for those much needed self loathing days. Many of us have those days when we begin pull forward every last hateful thought we had about ourselves from that sealed jar, and then choose to believe them, even for a moment.

Why is that you ask?? Well its just because we can and also because we have seen the generations before us that teach us the same rule of thumb; repress , repress, repress!

Most of us have these days every now and again. We find this need to match up false unjustified assumptions with our own inner negative dialogue; like when an unwarranted comment/ugly remark gets hurled at us in a moment of heat from those we call (friends , relatives and/or co-workers)failing to duck as these hurts smack us in the kisser…or heart. Ill admit no matter how good I feel about myself in those moments, all I have to do is look inside to find that one stored negative comment that mirrors this infliction and poof..Im there, judging myself. Sometimes it takes just one negative word to re-enforce that low mood and then a day or two to shake it off.. pffttttt!

My hope is that by writing this love letter that I can create a pool / jar of loving thoughts to battle these rainy day moments with so I can create my own sustainable sunshine from a light inside, why does the darkness have to have such power anyway..

So here I go;

MARCH 27, 2014

My darling Corrina,

When I look back at all the years we have shared together, I can see how much you have developed both spiritually and emotionally. You have grown in countless ways as your strong spirit never seems to just give up on anything. I remember how mom always said ” well she doesn’t always get it done fast, but she always gets it done”! Mom was right ya know, and she is still right on the money!

The young naive lady you were when you left home was a young girl filled with adventure , hopes and a promise of new beginnings. Hard work never scared you as hard was all you ever knew. Determined and courageous you set your sail for independence and you sailed away, barely looking back at the tear stained faces of those you left behind. That was hard dear girl, but you knew that this was your only choice as you needed to release your wings and fly free.

It was not always easy in the beginning, lessons were learned the hard way, but you never gave up. Its true things were not all roses and butterflies, yet there were some green fields where you could always rest your head and look to the blue skies knowing God smiled down on you.

The hint of that brightness kept you hungry for more. I could always see this in you, your search for self improvements never ceased, your search for love also challenging as you had little reference point of what a healthy loving relationship looked like. I still admired you though, you could have given up so many times and ran back to the place where unhappiness laid in wait, but you didn’t, you moved ahead. One day at a time never ever asking for so much as a dime or a hand out, giving all you had and more, even when the silence and loneliness around you haunted you at times.

Now looking back I cant believe how many years have passed, so many changes, so much growth. You have never ever let me down, always my rock and my constant .

You have done just great despite the barriers life have challenged you with, you amaze me! Watching how deeply you are connected with your children proves just what power you have to love and teach. Your connection to nature is inspiring, I have never met anyone like you before.

If they only knew you as well as I do…..the world would be in awe! You are incredible and I love you!! Thank you for always being their for me and learning from the mistakes you made along the way. I could not be prouder of you than I am right now.

hugz and more hugz, you are my role model and my best friend.